Wednesday, December 28, 2011

If you hate Jesus so much, don't celebrate His Birthday

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY! I apologize for being a pretty rotten bloggess.  Remember when I said that I would blog more now that I'm on break? Yeah, well, I didn't know that rotations would drain the life out of me.  So today starts a short series on thoughts I have about Christmas--in general and the fiasco that happened this year. 

For the first installment of this series, I would like to talk about keeping the Christ in Christmas.  Man this blog is pretty effing boring now that it is two days after Christmas and I'm still fucking talking about it.  But let's remember that Christmas isn't over until Epiphany (I'm talking to you, Valentine's Day pushers).

So let us start with some history.  Way way way back in the day older than your grandfather's aged whiskey, the ancient Greeks used the word "chi", and for my sratties and fratstars, you know that is an "X".  Well, one thing led to another and people started calling the Nativity of the Lord (@toriharper1208) X-Mas.  And now when people get fucking lazy, they call Christmas X-Mas.  Holy fucking hell.  When did Greek become a national language? It's like I need to catch up on old episodes of Xena just to catch up on this momentous occasion.  FALSE. We did not.  In fact, I think this needs to be updated just a wee bit.  If I'm not too rusty on my Greek, I'm pretty sure that it should be Chi-rho-iota-sigma-tau-Mas (sorry, I do not have a Greek background and am emphatically pulling it out of my ass).  Either way, I'm pretty sure it is just a hell of a lot fucking easier to call it "Christmas".

Second, who do these atheists think they are, celebrating Christmas.  Oh, I thought you didn't believe in God, but you want to celebrate His Birth? OK! For someone who does not believe that God exists, you sure like to buy into the hype that He was born!

Third, Happy fucking Holidays and Season's Greetings.  Do you know who says Happy Holidays in my house? My mother. But not on Christmas.  She says "happy holidays" on Easter, on Labor Day, on the fucking Fourth of July! You know why? because she sees it as "have a nice holiday" like FEDERAL HOLIDAY.  I mean it's kinda embarrassing in a socially awkward way, but then kinda awesome in a HAHA SUCKERS way.  My roommate in college was Methodist was perfectly fine with this because she had convinced herself that when you say holiday, you say Holy day, and that Christmas is a Holy day.  Don't get me wrong, it is, but you don't see everyone wishing me a happy holiday on Pentecost.  I mean you don't see me celebrating Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Winter Solstice, because they have no personal meaning to me.  None of the aforementioned have special definition in my life.  Guess what, little Baby Jesus, all seven pounds of Him, is going to grow up and save the fucking world.  No really, that is what He is going to do and he is so awesome, He is going to do that whether or not you believe, so maybe, yeah, just celebrate His birthday anyways, but do it with some dignity. My friend actually has a t-shirt that she wears when she is shopping that says "I won't be offended if you say Merry Christmas".  It is probably one of my biggest pet peeves when people say something other than Merry Christmas.  And when some corporate turd says "Happy Holidays" to me, I look them straight in the eye and say "Thanks, Merry Christmas!" flash them my killer smile and slow saunter away.  You know when a salesperson shouldn't say Merry Christmas? When the person they are ringing up buys a Menorah. Or some blue and silver wrapping paper.  Ok, I'm sorry that was a little stereotypical but let's be honest, so many Jewish people celebrate Christmas now since it is basically an American holiday.

Fourth, we all know that Jesus was not actually born on December 25th.  The early Christians had to celebrate all their holidays around existing holidays so that they would not be persecuted.  And if you truly believe that Jesus was born in December, then please, for the love of God, read a book.  It pains me when people are sheltered and blinded by weird and far right Catholic teachings.  Christmas is celebrated near Hanukkah and the pagan Winter Solstice.  Easter is celebrated near Passover and the first Sunday after the Spring Equinox, also a pagan holiday.  These were very important things that early Christians celebrated, and in order to do so it had to be masked by other religious events.  Some beyotch once told me to get off my Catholic high horse about Christmas and how it is not a Christian holiday and that it existed way before Jesus.  ORLY?! CHRISTmas is not a CHRISTian holiday, where we celebrate the birth of CHRIST? Homegirl, a holiday celebrated in December is not just universally called Christmas.  It is either Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, or some holiday you made up like FESTIVUS! Just please do not kid yourself by saying that you celebrate Christmas but you don't believe in God.  It makes no grammatical, religious, common sense.  You have reached the end of the universe, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Lastly, as much as I like to go on my Keeping-Christ-In-Christmas crusade, the absolute true meaning of Christmas is sacrifice--God gave His only Son to save us from our sins.  So why can't we give up some of our own time to help the less fortunate, or even spend the time to learn about other religions?  There is special meaning that the holidays of other religions fall around the same time--it reminds us that we share this earth with people other than ourselves.  It is humbling to understand traditions of other religions and realizing that it is not too far from what we believe.  Also, Christmas is the youngest holiday around this time of year, so let's not pretend that we deserve to be recognized most because we were here first. We weren't.  So don't forget about the true meaning of Christmas.  Little baby Jesus isn't happy you pepper sprayed someone for a toy at wal-mart.  It doesn't make you a good Catholic, it means your child is a brat.

With that I say to you, Merry Christmas.
Baby Jesus was the best Jesus

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