Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Plaid Skirt: Catholic Girl Iconography

"Iconography" is such a fancy word. It's because we're fancy people. The Plaid Skirt. Nothing says "Catholic Girl" more than the plaid skirt.  Now the problem with wearing plaid for 12 years is that once you go plaid, you never go back. You are just drawn to it.  One time, we went back to the store where we bought our uniforms to see if they had headbands and scrunchies in the plaid pattern from elementary school.  Ya'll scrunchies are SO in right now.  For the love of God, I even bought some random Vera Bradley bag my freshman year in college because it was lined with hot pink plaid.  For a while, it was actually a big trend, of course when I wear it, everyone says "you can't just let go of your Catholic school can you?" STFU Plaid is worn by everyone.  It's not like I bought a plaid skirt and wore it with some goddamn wool knee socks (by the way, counted when I graduated= 43 pairs)

Apparently, the plaid also has some sex appeal.  Take a shot of your preferred alcoholic beverage if a boy has ever asked you if you still have your uniform and if you can wear it tonight.
"Hi, I went to a Catholic School and I still have my plaid skirt" is somewhat loosely the pick up line I used on my boyfriend. And it worked. Of course now, from time to time, he'll ask me to put it's so weird, but I asked for it. I hemmed it, of course. I'm pretty sure you could see my ovaries if I bent over.

Since most of my readers are in college, I'm going to address this one annoyance: what the hell is up with the catholic school girl parties? Seriously? Is that supposed to be some awesome super cool unique theme that you thought up all by yourself? I'm PRETTY sure I did the same thing just by hanging out in the parking lot after school.  Call me a traditionalist, but some of those outfits are just ridiculous.  What school has a hot pink plaid skirt? No one wore ridiculous stilettos or gladiator wedges with their skirt. However, if you managed to find some Mary Jane pumps, more power to you.

Lastly, I'd like to give a big F-U! to boys who were only interested in me because I had went to a Catholic school.  Dramatization of an actualconversation:
Boy: I like you because girl you catholic and you turn me on
CGP: catholics turn you on?
boy: yea, all catholic girls are sexy
CGP: so, you think sister maureen is sex?
boy: nah girl just the ones in the uniform
CGP: so that first grader over there in the plaid skirt over there is sexy
boy: (silence)

sick turd, and thus my hatred for people who judge people by the plaid skirt they wear. This is not Scotland. This skirt is not a tartan, it's my uniform. I will not die in battle defending my plaid (JK, probs will).  Anyone else in the mood to watch Braveheart right now? Let's wrap this up then (that's what she said).

Well, let's face the inevitable, Catholic Girls just love their plaid.  We just, you know, have to tone it down a bit and just adjust it to normal, dare I say public school, levels. Here are some ways to update your plaid:


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